I was born in America but I have a strong Jamaican background and grew up in that culture, even living there for a few years.  Today when they say “di owner fi di man”, it usually means his wife or “wifey”.  In the case of my ex-husband, it’s his mama.

I guess growing up and seeing my dad’s mom and my mother get along so well, I could not for the life of me understand my former mother-in-law’s dislike for me.  For the first three years of marriage, everything was all good.  I noticed little things but I chalked it up to my then husband as being a straight momma’s boy, which I didn’t mind.  But I didn’t understand the difference between having respect for his mother and having a straight obsession which in turn made him a puppet.

That third year of marriage is what opened my eyes to the problem.  Marrying me, he was able to become a legal permanent resident and after that 3-year period of having to stay married to a citizen had passed, mama showed her ass!  We went to Jamaica to spend Christmas and New Years with his family and that ended up being the worst trip I had ever been on in my life. She went out of her way to make me uncomfortable as a guest in her house, instigating arguments between my then husband and I, and he played right into it. It had gotten so bad that I ended up leaving their house and my husband, and went to stay with my father and family who I had there. Thank God I had that option! After that I never stepped foot back in that yard which was back in 2011.

All of it made me reflect and realize some things.  I was the third woman he had ever lived with and second marriage for him.  It never dawned on me until then that she never had anything good to say about any woman he had ever been with and the same with his older brother (who was separated from his wife and went back to living at home with mama).  I noticed that every time we were around her we would get into a big argument over something she would say or bring up.  I realized that although I was his wife, I would never be a priority over his mother and he would never demand any kind of respect for me due to this obsession.  Her power over him was STRONG.  I mean hell, we lived in separate fucking countries, thousands of miles away, and he was still her puppet!

Her lack of respect for me is what ultimately led to our demise as I am no pushover nor do I hold my mouth to people who are disrespectful towards me.  I don’t care who it is, or how old they are.  Especially when I had a husband who never came to my defense and just let shit happen all because according to him “she’s old and not gonna change”.  Especially when my mother treated him like she gave birth to him and always respected our marriage.  Lastly, especially when I was quick to defend him to people in my own family and would not allow him to be disrespected by anyone.

All of this to say that I learned that although he had women before me, during our marriage, and now after divorce, di owner fi di man a him mumma.  That’s the only woman for him.

Look out for my second book coming soon titled Love, Marriage, Dishonor, Hate.  Thanks for visiting Meeshmoves!




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